Navigating the IEP Table: A Parent’s Game Plan

💬 There’s No Shame in Asking for Help

I’m a teacher.
I have a master’s in Behavior Analysis with a focus on ASD.

My love language is data analysis. Quantitative and qualitative evidence make me swoon. Nothing excites me more than seeing a range of 0 because it means there’s no error in a graph.

🏛️ Laws and Reality

I think I know the laws, and I understand what sometimes happens behind the scenes.

I’m the kind of parent who looks up credentials, endorsements, and staff rosters before a meeting so I’m ready when someone says, “All our teachers are highly trained in ABA,” or “They’re highly qualified.”

The reality? Half of them may have out-of-field waivers, and the administrator doesn’t hold a principal’s certification. Charters often get away with this because of the state’s push toward specialized schools… something I’ll unpack another time.

But here’s the truth: I’m also non-confrontational.
And the moment I sense someone being dishonest or dismissive, my brain short-circuits. My anger bubbles up.

I once had a full-on meltdown after speaking with an administrator who swore my son wasn’t showing any aggressive behaviors all while his teacher was reporting weekly incidents since the start of the year.

I knew what was happening: she didn’t want my private service providers coming into the school. Because if she admitted my son’s aggression was escalating, I would have every right to request an RBT for behavioral support.

She tried to suggest that puberty was the reason his behavior was “getting more challenging.” But his issue wasn’t hormonal mood swings: it was aggression. Not frequent, but when it happened, it was intense.

And then, there was the bus situation. Both my boys were losing instructional time because they had to leave early for transportation. When I raised it, I was told the bus was a favor, not a right. They didn’t want to put any of that in writing.

Never mind that transportation (including a safety harness) was clearly written into the IEP.

So, I did what most parents do when they’ve had enough: I cried to my friends.
My friends told me to talk to my administrator (who I consider a friend with boundaries), and from there, a chain reaction began.

Teachers. Admins. Coworkers. Moms.
They all rallied and connected me with the one person every overwhelmed parent dreams of: an advocate.

She happened to be the same advocate I’d worked with years ago, back when I was a new teacher. She scared me then, but in the best way. She knew every law, every deadline, and could dismantle a school policy in three polite sentences wrapped in a compliment sandwich.

As a new teacher, I worried I wasn’t doing enough.
As a parent, she became the lifeline I needed.

💡 Why Advocates Matter

An advocate can be an incredible emotional relief.
They give you the space to stay calm while they translate, document, and refocus the team.
You don’t have to carry the burden of re-teaching the law mid-meeting.

But remember: advocates aren’t magic.
They work best when paired with a prepared, engaged parent.

The IEP team works best when everyone (school, parent, advocate) acts as a partner for the child.

🛡️ Common Tactics (and How to Respond)

“We don’t have the staff or resources.”
➡ Ask: “How will the school still ensure FAPE is provided?”
➡ Request a Prior Written Notice (PWN) detailing the plan.
Lack of staff doesn’t remove the legal obligation.

“We’re already using evidence-based strategies.”
➡ Ask for the data.
➡ Request written documentation showing who implements what, how often, and how progress is measured.

“Bus time isn’t instructional time.”
➡ Ask for documentation of actual instructional minutes.
➡ If your child regularly misses class time, request compensatory education or services.

“They don’t qualify for additional services.”
➡ Request the data supporting that decision.
➡ Ask for a PWN and, if needed, an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE).

“We don’t allow outside therapists in the classroom.”
➡ Ask for the written policy.
➡ Request collaboration or observation if your BCBA or RBT recommends it.

🤝 What Advocates Actually Do

• Know the laws, timelines, and procedural safeguards

• Keep meetings on track and student-focused

• Translate “school language” into plain English

• Help parents prioritize and document requests

• Ensure accountability for what’s promised

💻 ChatGPT: A Tool, Not a Teammate

AI can help you prepare (not replace) advocacy.

Use it to:

• Draft emails or meeting summaries

• Summarize laws or policy documents

• Create templates for PWN or goal-tracking logs

But keep in mind:

• AI can be wrong always verify with official sources (IDEA, state DOE, Wrightslaw).

• Don’t rely on it for strategy or interpretation in real time.

• Use it for clarity and confidence, not confrontation.

📋 Quick Checklist for Your Next IEP Meeting

✅ Bring recent work samples and behavior/attendance logs
✅ Prepare three measurable goals you want addressed
✅ Include outside therapy or BCBA reports in your documentation
✅ Ask how the school will track progress and fidelity
✅ Request PWN for any refusal or change
✅ Take detailed notes names, quotes, agreements

❤️ Final Thought: You Are the Constant

Staff changes. Policies change. Schools change.
Your child’s needs do not.

You are the one consistent advocate in their corner, year after year, meeting after meeting.

Show up informed, calm, and ready to collaborate.
That’s how real change happens.