The Wait

James’s dad and I were watching our little gift play at a small table in the neurologist’s office. He was quietly lining up blocks in a box. I was 8 months pregnant with our second son.

This doctor was supposed to be the best in the field. Still, I had my doubts. A colleague of mine wasn’t fond of him. When he and his wife took their son in, the doctor sat them down and said, bluntly, “Your child has autism. Prepare yourself for a hard time.” He even told them their marriage probably wouldn’t survive. That memory stuck with me.

Seeing the Signs

Under my mother’s advice—and after watching one of my students in class—I started noticing things in my son James. My student had these repetitive motions, avoided eye contact, and didn’t understand personal space.

And James? He wasn’t speaking. He was almost three. I had been told I was a chatty, vocal child at that age. This felt different.

I took him to Early Steps. They told me he had the markers. His dad didn’t agree—he even scoffed at the clinicians, dismissing what they saw. But I saw it. So I made an appointment with this well-known neurologist. We waited six months.

The diagnosis took under six minutes.

The Diagnosis

I asked the doctor, “So he’s autistic?”

He corrected me: “He has autism. He isn’t autistic.”

James’s dad was angry. “What qualifies you to give a diagnosis in under 10 minutes?” he asked.

The doctor stayed calm. “I’ve been doing this for over 20 years. He’s making no eye contact. We’re not people to him—we’re furniture. He doesn’t care that we’re in the room. And he’s not playing appropriately with his toys.”

I asked, “What’s the likelihood my next child will have autism?”

“If it’s a boy, you have a 20% chance.”

Then he handed me:

• A prescription with the diagnosis

• A postcard that said apply for Medicaid Waiver now (because it would take about 10 years)

• Two brochures

Just like that. That was it.

What Came Next

The doctor wasn’t entirely wrong.

Twelve years later, my colleague and his wife are still married.
Sadly, James’s dad and I became part of the 80% of couples who don’t make it after a diagnosis.
And yes—my second son did fall into the 20% sibling statistic. He also has autism, though in a very different way.

But here’s the thing...

The Truth I Wish Someone Had Told Me

Autism is not a disease. My son is wired differently. It’s part of who he is. And in our home, we do say “he’s autistic.” There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.

People’s lack of empathy and understanding? That’s not our problem.
Our job is to love, learn, and advocate—for our children and for ourselves.

If You Just Got the Diagnosis

Read “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley.
I came across it during my Master’s in Behavior Analysis with a concentration in Autism, and now I share it with every friend, every family member, every new parent entering this alphabet soup of labels—ASD, ADD, ADHD...

It doesn’t give you a solution. It gives you something better: perspective.

Welcome to The Spectrum Info Hub

I created this space for parents like me—like you.
To tell the truth, offer support, and say the words I wish someone had said to me:

“You’re not alone.”

👉 Subscribe to receive monthly newsletters and a roadmap to this new journey.

We’re in this together.

With love and fierce hope,
Yessenia

🎁 Bonus: Newsletter subscribers get exclusive access to resource pages with advocating guides and organizational tools like a Parent Organizer Template — a printable, portable tool for every appointment, call, or IEP. In addition received information backed by science three additional times in the month. ($12/year)